Wow, have I changed. Isn’t it amazing to look back sometimes and see how far you’ve come and how much better you are today than you used to be? I look back over my life and remember all of the years wasted wishing I looked a different way. I obsessed over looking like someone else and most of those years I was trying to look unhealthy!!! I used to want to look like Kate Moss. Skinny. No muscle. Frail. Soft. High cheekbones. Flat belly. Skinny thighs.
Now, I look at that photo like I would look at a photo of someone unhealthy in the opposite direction. I don’t want anything to do with that body type. I don’t want to be weak, frail and skinny. I want to be strong.
LET THE PENDULUM SWING!!!
Cut to the years before my contest prep. The years before contest prep I would open the pages of Oxygen Magazine and Muscle and Fitness HERS [read: Monica Brant] and would want to look like those girls! I decided that I wanted to look strong and maybe even a little intimidating. It was my way of standing out and being tough. I decided that it was a really tough goal to achieve and that I would achieve that goal one day. One day I would be that muscular and that lean and I’d look like that.
What was I thinking?! Well, I was dilutional to think that anyone really looks like that without:
- devoting their entire life and all of their being to eating, sleeping, breathing “clean” foods and the gym…i.e. eating every 3 hours, never eating out, never socializing over food, 2+ hours of cardio a day, plus lifting, minimal diet and feeling hungry all the time….[ok, I’ll stop.]
- working in the industry and giving up everything in order to “look” good [read: shallow?]
- taking “performance enhancing drugs”
Now, don’t get me wrong! There are MANY, MANY competitors who are completely natural and look amazing! They have busted their butts to look that good….naturally! It can be done, BUT it takes years. It takes discipline and it takes sacrifices! And for many women they love that lifestyle. I am not one of them. I need more balance and more focus on health and less focus on body image to be happy.
My new ideal body type is in between the two extremes that I once envied. I now want to be muscular and strong but still a little soft. I want to feel good, look good and still be able to function well. I want to feel as strong as I look. I want to be as tough as I look. A great balance of this physique, for me, is Jessica Biel. And, I think we all need something to work toward to keep us physically active. I look at her and compare her to the time that I was happiest with my body and realize I’d like to gain more muscle. That’s a great and healthy goal!
What is your next challenge?
- Fitness competition?
- Marathon or race?
- Labor? 🙂
- Losing the baby weight?
Sometimes a physical goal is ok…if it’s kept in perspective! I will never be obsessed with my body again…I hope. I hated waking up every morning and the first thing I wanted to do was check my abs….or checking my abs every time I went into the bathroom during the day! YUCK! I never want to live like that again!
But, even at my leanest, I’d still like to add some muscle to my upper body. [My lower body is plenty muscular for now!] I’d love to add some shoulders, back, bis…but I don’t want to be as lean as a Figure Competitor….EVER! I may change my mind, but I doubt it. Things do change. I never thought I’d change my opinion from wanting to look like Kate Moss or Monica Brant…but I did! Life happens. We change. We grow. And, THANK GOD FOR THAT!
This is me at 145 pounds [pic at the right]. I am 154 now…just FYI. I like this level of body fat for me [at 145]. And, hopefully, after children I will look something like this again, but there will be a new me I am sure and I am excited for that!
There will be new goals and things change!!!
[click on photos for their sources]
What does your ideal body type look like?
Have you evolved what you want to look like?
How have your physical goals changed?
What’s your next physical goal?