My belly profile 2010 to now! Many changes! All fun and all great! I’m enjoying them!
I am now struggling more than I did yesterday with my post…after posting it. I got 99% positive responses but one that shook me a bit. I did not mean to hurt anyone. I thought a lot about my post last night. I think you all got my intent, but I also think that I should have said more….like what I’m loving about pregnancy and maybe explained myself more.
I feel like yesterday’s post was supposed to be a “coming out” for me to say once that I am struggling mentally some days with not LOVING every aspect of pregnancy and that I hate the question about whether I feel better than ever before because the truth is, I do not. I have felt better. I still feel guilty for saying that. This is hard on my body, my emotions, my brain. I do not complain to my friends. I do not complain on Facebook. I do not even think “complaint” thoughts. But when I sit back and reflect about why the questions about how I feel bug me, I realize it’s because I don’t feel the way I thought I would and I do feel like I don’t necessarily LOVE how I feel right now but I cannot do anything to change it (like go to the gym to get rid of my belly!) 🙂
We have a LOT going on that I have not shared with you. Yesterday a friend died. He left his wife and infant son. He died of cancer. He was too young. So, I think I’m more emotional than normal still trying to process that. You can read their story here. We are facing a deployment and though I do not share details of when my hubby is gone [for my safety and his], I know that we are concerned about him being here for the birth of our first child. There are other things going on with our Military Family and in our military life that are tough that I cannot share here for privacy reasons. I wish I could. But I say that to explain that I’m sure all of that coupled with my hormones is making me more emotional than the usual me.
So, since I’ve shared that, I’ll share this other fear to add to yesterday’s post. I am scared that all the stress I’m under is hurting my child, even though I think I manage it well! 🙂 Yet on the flipside I know that these events were all placed in my life, including my pregnancy, in this order, at this time for a reason. Everyone has stress. Life has stresses. There are normal and abnormal or extreme stresses. But, we cannot be clear which stresses are affecting our child and which are not.
Another crazy thing I did not mention yesterday is having to say “no” to others to take care of myself. That is hard for me! I am usually the kind of person who will take on too much and sacrifice myself [and my sanity] for others. I’m having to say “no” and admit I am more fragile and admit that I have to take care of another being and cannot be selfish. My body is not my own to run ragged anymore. That is hard. BUT AGAIN, that is a lesson I need to learn…NOW! As I said yesterday in my moral of the story…..the moral is that this is a journey to get to motherhood and all these aches and pains are to get me to motherhood and grow me into the best mother I can be!! 🙂
There are many things I love about pregnancy, along with those fears, the vulnerability, the hormones, the not feeling like “me”, the worry and the asking for help.
What I love about pregnancy! I am loving my new body. Some women struggle with body image during pregnancy, but not me [so far]. I’m loving it! I’m loving that this is what my body was meant to do and this is what my body is doing! For the first time ever, I’m not as shy being naked…even though my body is changing. Even when I was in my best shape I felt like that body was MY doing….like it was because of my efforts at the gym or in the kitchen. But now, this is all HIS doing. This is all what the body was meant for. Sure I can work out and eat right and not gain 100 pounds but the changes that are happening are completely out of my control. My body is not my own right now and I am not stressing over it…yet. [Ask me how I feel with a squishy belly in July, but now I’m enjoying this process as my body changes!] I still could live without the teenage acne. Not sure why, but the acne has always made me insecure. It did at 15 and it does now. Thank God for concealer!
Were you offended by my post yesterday?
What did you LOVE or do you think you will LOVE about pregnancy the most?!
How was your body image during pregnancy? Did you struggle? It’s OK if you did! Share for others to learn!